Tuesday, October 25, 2005

An Open Letter

These are words scrawled on paper in the black of night, then transcribed into something legible to sent them back from whence they came. I write them knowing that you may never see them. I simply feel the need to communicate with you, even if only with the spectre of you, harboring the illusion that you still care. Perhaps I'll delude myself a while longer.

I have offended you. I am sorry. I have hurt you. I am sorry. I can't say that enough right now. I also can't say it to you just yet. You don't want to speak to me and I'll respect that desire, and extend it to other forms of communication for the moment. You're right - I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, and no matter how much I want to solve this, if you don't want to speak to me, I care too much for you to force the issue.

If anything, I'm in a catch 22. I'm a fixer, a healer...I want the people I care about to be well, and it pains me to know that I have hurt you. I want to fix it. But to fix it, I feel I would only cause you more pain by talking to you. So instead, I have to step back and, in order to do what is best for you, I have to hurt my self. Taking a razor blade to my own soul, slashing in all directions in my feeble attempts to deflect the blade from you.

We have an amazing rapport in that you have managed to break through the wall around my heart and make me feel something. Therefore, it should not surprise me that to remove that influence results in amazing pain. Three days feel like thirty as I wait to hear from you again, to discover what has created such a rapidly growing rift between two people as close as we.

You say you want me to take control, yet you ask me to stay away. Confused as I am, I shall try to respect your desires, and your space, because I respect you. I will do my best to wait patiently in this purgatory of our mutual creation, but you have taught me something - that which is worth having, is worth fighting for. When the time comes I chafe against your abrupt silence and forced distance, I may have to stage one final campaign so I know that I have truly tried everything. I owe that to myself, and I owe that to you.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Words of Wisdom from Damien Rice

Nothing unusual, nothing's changed
Just a little older that's all
You know when you've found it,
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away

Thursday, October 13, 2005


hi all,

I suppose I can say all...after all, there are at least four of you I know of who read this. If there's anyone else, chime in - I'm curious....

Anyway, please don't interpret my silence as abandonment. I'm simply in the midst of far too much at this point to post anything on a regular basis. I have a few ideas floating around in my head upon which I want to expound, but I don't have the time, the energy, or the tolerance for sitting in front of my PC for that long right now.

I'll be back to my chipper, posting self in a bit - I promise!


Friday, October 07, 2005

Show me the fury

Why is it that people respect anger moreso than logic these days? How did American society devolve to the point that an irrational emotion elicits more respect than that which sets us apart form any other species on this planet (okay, that and our opposable thumbs)? And why am I apparrently incapable of unleashing this anger until it's too late and I've lost what I really want t okeep?