An Unaddressed Letter with Your Answers

I want their input on where our lives are going. I want to see
their ideas on our future. I admit I am too quick to spout out ideas and dreams, and they are listened to with patient ears. But I am ready to know what is expected of me. Tell me. Ask me. Demand of me. I want to
know.

My ears may be patient, but my mind is not. For every time I bite my lip so as not to pressure you, I have 10 thoughts of where life could go. All I know for certain is that I want you by my side as it unfolds. You should know me well enough to know, I do not make demands. Do not expect that to change in the present situation. You are a person with much on your plate. I am happy right now with what I can get, but there will be more. There will be a time in the future when I am figured into the equation. Until then, I don't know that I can ask for this outright, but in my world, here's what I want.

I want a ring. I want the promise that the future holds. I want a white dress and a flower girl and a ring bearer and crowds of family and friends saying how happy they are. I want well wishes and the hope of tomorrow.

I want stability. I want to know that this time is mine and that time is yours. I want my rock to stop rolling and to stay in one place. When I am in need, I want to know you'll be there, no question. I want you to know you have me always, thick or thin. I want the privilege of being able to ask your time be devoted to me. I want you to ask that my time be for you.

I want experience. I want you to teach me to kayak. I want to teach you the arts. I want to seek out things we've never done and learn them together, one step at a time, and to laugh with each other each step of the way. I want to experience love at its fullest.

I want bravery. You give me the courage I lack. I want to step forward with you and try things that I, myself, am sure to fail. I want to know that you are here. Not there. Here.

I want family. I want love. I want it all. And I want to share it all with you. Sounds easy, yes?

So that's just a glimmer of the many places my mind goes. I have plans. I have ideas. And perhaps, next Christmas, they will be more than just dreams.

Merry Christmas, dear.