I'm not one of those New-Agers (or as Penn and teller call them, Newagers) who believe in this sort of thing, but I feel like I'm standing outside myself, observing as I sabotage the best thing that's happened to me in years. I don't want to do that. I want to grab this and hold it and make it work, but I see myself pushing it away and feel almost helpless to stop myself.
I suppose it's because I don't know how to talk when the words are needed most. Fear of saying the wrong words paralyzes my voice, and I say nothing, even though normally, when I'm wrong, I'll admit my mistakes. I'm afraid of inflicting hurt on some one else, and would rather turn it all against myself.
I'm sorry. Help me not to ruin this. Don't let me ruin this.
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