Green-Eyed Monster, Defined

So at the risk of sounding stupid, I've decided to blog about a lesson that smacked me upside the head in the wee hours of the morning, and turned in my head all night. I've been working a swing shift, and am sleep deprived as a result, which means I'm not in my wittiest of moods. Please forgive.

The word of the night, is Jealousy. That green-eyed monster that we're all supposed to keep in check. Well, he and I had a conversation and I've come to realize, I had him all wrong. Yeah, he's still a monster, but he has his softer spots, and can actually lend a helping hand every once in a while. Just don't depend on him, because then he'll get you into ALL sorts of trouble!

Jealousy and I struck up a chat, complete with all the cursory pleasantries. Then we got to "where are ya from." I had always thought Jealousy came from the state of Mistrust. In the past, acknowledging his existance was an insult both to my character and to my loved one's. It said to me that there was something inherently wrong in either him or me that I didn't trust him, and that true love trusts. It also said that I didn't trust myself. All are deal-breakers for me in a relationship, so therefore, Jealousy and I never got acquainted - I always showed him the door.

I was all wrong.

Jealousy is not an offshoot of how little or how much you trust someone else. Jealousy comes from Fear. Fear of losing something - a connection, a love, a friendship, a position. I've never felt been jealous because I've thought I was trusting people to make good choices. Now, it appears that actually, I was either not invested enough to care about their choices even had they made bad ones, or I was too naive to image they would make a choice at opposition to what I would choose.

Recently, it's the naivety that had gotten me in trouble - I never imagined that someone I was so in step with would choose to do something so blatantly outside of our path. It never occurred to me that if we were walking in step he would question our stride and destination, and walk away on his own. But he did. And all of a sudden, I find myself looking into some very unfamiliar green eyes.

Now that I've found the source of it, I feel a little better about it. It's also given me a direction to take, so that I don't feel as helpless. Just an interesting conversation with our good friend Jay. One I felt like sharing, and you got to be the guinea pigs since you can click away at any time.... :)