A very dear friend once told me about "fast fiction," a challenge by Warren Ellis to write a complete story in 200 words or less. So I tried it. And as I sit here digging through old files, I found my attempt. And in the darkness before dawn, it seems like as good a time as any to share. So let me know what you think.
Just friends?
tumblers fall
Bullshit!
hinges creak
I want you…right…now.
“Can I come in?”
door opens
My turn.
lips embrace with a sense of urgency, your body pulls back
“Not so fast, dearest.”
door slams
trace your collarbone with kisses until I take your pulse with my tongue
“Do you like that?”
I know your buttons…
press my thigh tighter to get your answer
“Then come with me.”
lead you slowly to the bedroom
button by button, you watch me loosen your shirt
“I love you for your mind,”
unbuckle your belt
“but tonight, I want you for your body”
Can’t keep my hands off you
you pull off my sweater
Can’t keep my lips off you
you hike up my skirt
“The boots stay on, baby”
All the better to ride you with
push you onto the bed and climb on top
ride, and ride and ride until you explode
and I collapse, barely breathing
kiss your earlobe as I get up
“Always told you I’m amazing”
pull on my sweater
“Believe me now?”
straighten the skirt
“You want more? Oh…Sorry..I thought we were just friends…”
hinges creak
door slams
Friends with benefits. Amazing, fuck-tastic benefits.
A collection of random thoughts, rhetorical questions, and a dash of whimsy - all things that fit quite nicely under the burnt reds and oranges of fall foliage.
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- ProducerClaire
- Does it really matter who I am as long as I have something valid to say?
12 comments:
THAT is some story ;-) I loved the way you created dialogue in such a smooth flow. It'd been some time since I read an original erotic piece, so it was a very nice "change".
There was this paper I was writing. The publishers had a strict 200 word limit on the abstract. I had to literally STRUGGLE to get my ideas in. You make it look so easy!
"Friends with benefits."
Gotta agree with that. I've slept with a friend, and it never felt awkward. Sometimes all you need is someone who understands you well.
Uhhh.... WOW!
It took me a few seconds to figure it out, but I like the use of standard, italic and boldface font to distinguish between thoghts, actions and dialogue.
Cool!
Nice writing. I like the experimental edge you used for inspiration, i.e. 200 words or less. I, too, did a similar experiment for a writing class in college, but I don't think I'll be posting that one anytime soon. Mine was kind of drab, especially in comparison.
Whew!
Excuse me while I take a cold shower. Or smoke a cigarette.
Thanks for the feedback - glad you all liked it. At least, all of you so far. I don't usually delve into the erotic because, just as in real life, too many words can gum up the works.
Yoda, I've never had a "friend with benefits" in that sense. I've always been freinds with the men i've slept with, but never outside of a romatic relationship. Friendships just don't get that comfortable for me.
Farrago, A few people have had to read it twice, but it's so short, I don't feel badly about that.... ;)
Michael, You write quite well anyway. You have stories to tell. My life gets so drab and my mind revolves mostly around fact that it takes a vehicle like this to force me into a new realm.
mr schprock, I sent one of the best bloggers I read in search of a cigarette or a cold shower with my words! Thank you! That is a great compliment indeed!
OMG. I never noticed. Phantasm.
Where did that word come from -- Phantom + Orgasm?
'fast fiction'...u've given me something new to try out.
btw, the piece is good, though it would have been more intriguing had it been cryptic...leaving more to the imagination...
I like it.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but to paint a picture with only 200 is commendable.
Economy with words is a rare skill
Yoda, Close - I was going for the "fantastic" that I mangled in the last line...but there was already a word that csounded like that - Phantasm - and the meaning added an extra layer to the title as well knowing the person about whom it's written...
Wordnerd, Awww... thanks! And welcome!
Shitrint, Can't wait to see other people try this out...
Ultra, To extend your analogy, I look at it as an abstract photo - one where there wasn't enough light so you have to wonder wha's hiding in the shadows between the lines. That's where the other 800 words are....hiding in the shadows for your own interpretation.
Thanks for the compliment - I'm better with short writing than long drawn out pieces. I think that's why I've never written a book. I have the ideas, but not the patience for long pieces. I'd rather polish something small and have it shine than have an extended amount of mediocrity
I enjoyed the little trip down memory lane. I wish I had a few more friends like that when I was single!
That was a cool ass story. I love the fact there are no peroid in it, so the action flows so fast, you almost have to read it twice, but your mind knows what's up.
Fantastic, excellent...I think that should be submitted somewhere.
Now if you'll excuse me...where's that towel???
Scott, glad to oblige.
Flash, Thanks for noticing the lack of punctuation. As for submitting it, I really don't know anyone who would take it.
Oh, and the towel's in the bathroom. :)
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