I can tell I did a late latte tonight! It's 1 am and I'm still up and typing. Whew! I'm still taking opinions on the photos below, but I thought I'd pose another question, and I'll try to do it in schprock's three-graph format! :)
What do you do when you work toward a goal, only to achieve it and discover it's nothing like you thought it was and that you've been going after the wrong thing? I'm feeling that way in a number of areas in my life right now - that a series of successes have all fallen flat, all about the same time, and all I can do is chase my tail to keep up with a life I'm no longer fond of.
I know the long term solution is to start looking for new situations to replace the current ones, but how do you survive that space in between? How do you live with yourself day to day when everything you do is falling short, every project you take on is greeted with cheers that turn to jeers once you're too deep in to turn back, and you can barely stand to see yourself in the mirror in the morning out of disappointment in yourself?
There are band aids...quick fixes that can get me through the worst of it, but to employ them daily would result in a lack of self-respect and the respect of those about whom I truly care, even though they are at times part of the reason I feel I am a disappointment. I guess what I'm asking is - what do you do when plenty of things in your life turn south at once to make you feel worthless and at times even less than human? Or am I the only one who lets life get to her that way?
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5 comments:
I feel like that quite often, not only in film work, but in general life itself. So many times I've found myself going "Oh, this will be great. I can do this and this and it will look nothing short of awesome." And when it's done, the response I get is "Ehh, it was okay."
I've learned to try and curb that, go in with the "I'll try this and see what happens." Then if it goes sour on me, there's no disappointment because I didn't psych myself up for it. But if the other person is going nuts, loving it, I feel like a million bucks and float for the day.
In life, it's a little different. I find myself trying to live the life I did years ago, thinking about how it "used to be" instead of "how it's going to be".
Keep the past as the great memories they are, and focus on making more with people in the future. As with work, the only thing I can suggest is this. Put your heart into everything you do. No matter what the outcome, no matter what the thoughts or the words you receive, you can still be proud that you put your all into it.
And besides, the people are probably idiots anyway.
I don't know if this helps, but I just make sure I do all the things I usually do to make myself feel good (exercise, hobbies, reading, etc.) and just weather the rut I'm in. I feel certain sooner or later I'll be looking back on it, in the swing again. Sometimes you just gotta grind things out.
Alas, I have no great bits of advice on how to survive that space in between ... whenever I feel like that I go get myself a nice big mug of cappucino and a nice book to read. I particularly don't like to talk about such issues with my friends ... my silly little mind is always brimming with strategies on how to overcome the situation.
Sometimes I think of life as a war. A fight to get what you want and then a bigger battle to keep what you have.
Thank you all for the kind words. I can't just walk away from the things that are going wrong - my job, my hobbies, my volunteer work - or I'll be just like the people who have landed me in this predicament where I now find myself. But I can try to start now with things that won't head in that same direction, which is what I think I'll do. For now. To see if it works.
We all go through lag-times, where we loathe what we do, who we are, where we're not getting.... But these are not the times to reconsider career choices. That would likely result in a deeper funk. Now is the time for all good men to... Oops. Sorry.
Now is the time to put your head down, set your shoulders, and power on through these tough times. When the darkness lifts and you feel at ease again is the time to evaluate your situation. Will you think then that a career change is necessary or desired? Are greater rewards now coming your way? Is it a career change that you need, or a VENUE change. Same career, different employer?
Research - or soul-search - when you reach a higher mood plateau. You will make better, more sensible decisions.
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