A slightly deeper post this evening...and I welcome your feedback as well. So sit back, grab a tall one, or a cold one, or a shaken or stirred one, and join the discussion.
For weeks now, a friend has been asking the question, "If you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, is it still right?" He asks everyone he knows, and doesn't offer his own opinion, because he's truly looking for the answer. Everytime he has asked me, I've looked backwards for the answer. I've tried to rationalize different instances where things turned out to be right, or say that it depended on from whose point of view the "right" is determined.
Last night, it hit me. It's not a question of hindsight. It's a question of belief. Not in God or Allah or Vishnu...but in one's own decisions.
When faced with a decision, if you truly choose that which you think is right, you do so because you believe it. "Reasons" do not enter the picture. You do it because you believe it is right, and that IS your reason. Reflection in retrospect allow one to start picking the decision apart, saying, "I thought X and Y so that must be why I chose Z" But at the time, did any of those reasons really cross your mind?
I doubt it.
Opinions? The doctor is in and open for business!
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7 comments:
Hmm.
This was interesting. I think decisions are often instinctive and a product of past occurance, and reason cannot be deduced until later analysis.
It sounds to me like he really doesn't believe his decision was right. If he believed that, his reasons for making it would not matter.
There is a particular phrase I heard recently...one of my new favorites: Being certain is not the same as being right.
Which means, Claire, that your epiphany brought you to the correct conclusion. Regardless of the reasons, if you believe you are doing the right thing, then your intentions are pure. If you have been misguided or misinformed, you can't know until afterward, when you've had time to reflect and analyze.
Unfortunately, in the case of love and the law, best intentions don't matter if someone's heart is broken ...or stopped...
not having a mind of my own, i consulted with the great Canadian philosopher John Ralston Saul on this one. He says that 99 percent of our decisions are made intuitively, based on memories of past experiences. Rarely do we use our imaginations in decision-making, or do a deep values-check on it, or even a reasonable analysis of our options. We more or less do what feels right, and rationalize it later. Of course, there are exceptions, particularly large life decisions like to buy a house, get married, have children, switch careers, etc.
So if choices made in love are made for the wrong reason, but they were good choices, where does that lead down the road?
Can wrong decisions be made to feel right over time? Or will time be the one to uncover the true reasons? and feelings...
thank you Claire. Your insight has been most helpful.
Ultra,
When the stakes are high, regret has the potential to rise even higher. And faster. Perhaps he's just in a phase of self-reflection, determining his motives in the past to ground his decision-making in the future.
That said, in hindsight, it's much easier to doubt a decision, and wonder what if. Does that doubt mean the decision is wrong...or that you just want to know why?
Farrago,
I agree with you - and no, I don't know of any hearts stopped any where.
Benjibopper,
ahhh, but it's the big questions that invite such rhetorical exercise.
Hendie,
I have my opinions...I leave them for others to respond to first. After all, just cause it's my blog doesn't mean I get to dominate the conversation. That's not what a good hostess does.
What you think is right, your belief that your action or words are correct for that situation, then you are right. It may not work out to your favor, but you had belief in yourself for doing the right thing.
I can go on forever on this subject, there is no way to nail it down to a definite.
But great question.
Urk.
My brain hurts
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