Driving home tonight, I came to a rather odd realization. I think I understand a little more why someone would have a (sober) one-night stand.
When you're drunk, it's one thing. The objective is purely to obtain some part of a member of the opposite sex - his phone number, his tie, his jacket, et cetera. The physical things paired with alcohol - well, we all know what road that travels down. But I'm sober. So where does that leave me?
Tonight, I just didn't want to come home alone. I just didn't want to walk into an empty house and sleep in an empty bed. I've never had the luxury of companionship when we were dating. Yes, a twisted thing, but I was ok with it...I think because I knew it was my choice not to be held or rescued or saved...because I knew it just wasn't right. But now, as times get hard, I don't want to be here alone.
For some people, that need is stronger than for others, and the greater the need, the greater the measures it takes to fill it. My needs are simply cravings...I don't want the sex. I don't want a stranger. However, tonight I would gladly trade emotional strength and pride for comfort. That said, I won't do it, and I'll sleep alone.
Good night
A collection of random thoughts, rhetorical questions, and a dash of whimsy - all things that fit quite nicely under the burnt reds and oranges of fall foliage.
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About Me
- ProducerClaire
- Does it really matter who I am as long as I have something valid to say?
6 comments:
Welcome to my world, Claire!
I spent many a night in such a state (alone & lonely) when I was single and socially ill-equipped to find someone to hold me.
It sound like yours is more a choice not to than an inability to. More power to you.
Good for you! The other way leads to more emptiness (and self-loathing)!
Yoda:
Nice to know I'm in esteemed company :)
Farrago:
It is a choice - a choice not to even put it out there. Because I know that it's just a slippery slope that can send me crashing headlong into more pain and loneliness. As for the choice...this is a choice, but the greater question - whether I'm capable still of affection - may not be. But that's the topic for another posting!
Kenju:
Thanks! Like I said, *I* have no desire for a one night stand...but the feelings I have these days and knowing that I'm a stronger soul than many women I know..that makes me see how it could easily happen for those who need more reassurance or who just want it more than I do.
Sometimes, I'm the same way. And I've done the sober one night stand before. It's nt that bad.
Flash,
Not saying it's a bad thing...just saying that it's not for me. If I don't know the person, they won't provide what I'm looking for. And if I do, then the one night of comfort, to me, is not worth the complications. I have no friends with benefits...and maybe that's the problem. Who knows!
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