It's there again. That emptiness...except emptiness isn't the right word because that insinuates that I can fill it.
How about void? Void works nicely. Because it's a hole larger than I can fill alone, larger than I can repair with a spiritual Band-aid. Let's go with void, shall we?
It's my fault I feel this way. Something I truly want is slipping away and the bad thing is...I've seen it coming. I've seen this unfolding and I haven't had the strength to stop it before now. My mind has seen the logic, my heart has seen the desperation. I've prayed for guidance, and thought I was receiving none. Perhaps I was after all, and as a stupid human being simply ignored it, thinking that God couldn't be that simple.
I prayed for love....I receive hurt. I pray for forgiveness, I feel more guilt. I ask for a glimpse into whether I'm making the right decisions...and I get a turn of events that tells me, no, I must be doing something wrong. Now I just hope o find a way to right my wrongs and repair the damage done.
But there's nothing I can do. For anyone. So tonight I indulge this desperation and tomorrow I begin to close off that void. I'm utterly paralyzed by the thought of making the wrong decision again, but I can't just sit here.
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2 comments:
wow...I'm sorry you're going through this.
Follow the heart, and the world will fall in line. Trust me.
This is really powerful. I don't know what's going on with you, but I can see the hurt. Don't let go. Fight for what you want, and give up what wasn't meant to be. And keep the faith. Sometimes we think God's not answering us simply because he's telling us something we don't want to hear.
Take care.
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