Life can't be summed up in a paragraph or five....or even as a book. At best, a well-told life story would fill volumes, a series of books dog-eared and finger-worn from being read and re-read to generations as they go. It's not often that you are fully aware that you are about to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), armed with the knowledge that you're about to write the next volume.
The last month has been a whirlwind of change for me. The best way to put it... the people to whom I've devoted the last 10 years of my life - my ex-boyfriend and my best friend - have both moved away. 10 years of living departed my life in the span of 10 days. I just got back from moving her out, and now, it seems, the next phase of my life will start.
But do I want it to? And how do I live it?
Stepping off the plane to return home tonight, it hit me. I am alone. No one cares that I survived the hell that is traveling our nation's airlines these days. There's no one to call and share the little joys and victories in life.
And that scares me.
It all hit me when I got home. Hit me so hard that I blew off my plans for the night and stayed in to talk to my ex on the phone. Turns out, he loved me more when I had no emotions...more than he does now when I tell him how much I miss him.
Which leads me to the question of the night. Can I cry now? Will anyone notice?
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2 comments:
Claire, this post makes me as sad as you must have been when you wrote it. You must make some new friends! NOW!
Cry now. You cry for you, and it matters not whether anyone notices.
And the next phase of your life will start whether you want it to or not, and it'd be best if you're there when it starts.
And you'll live it just fine.
Just be. The rest happens.
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