Photograph? Or Fun-House Mirror?

Life runs in cycles - so much so that without being the instigator, I've had this conversation three times in the last week, with three separate groups of people who don't interact with each other. Funny how life works that way. Anyway, hitting it the third time tonight with a group of guys sitting around a table made me realize it's worth blogging over.

The topic? Body image. Somewhere along the way, usually mid-20s or so, it's my theory that you get this image of yourself stuck in your head, and that's how you see yourself until something extreme or drastic happens to change that view. For example, I look in the mirror and see a size 10-12 with clothes that need to be bigger to hide the unflattering bits, hair that needs a brush cause I just pulled it into a ponytail, a broken out face, and no feature that truly stands out. Not quite my worst, but not where I am right now either.

Somehow, this came up with a group of female friends (go figure), a male friend, and now a group of male friends. To find men who are willing to talk about body image is indeed a surprise, and what they said was even more surprising. They feel the same way! It's not just a chick thing. And what's more, you'd think men with their impenetrable egos would have the most flattering mental picture possible, but they don't! They're just as insecure as we are, they just know how to sell it better is all.

Age isn't a factor either - the college student still thinks of himself as a scrawny unpopular high schooler, the 20-something as the person he was a few years ago, and the 30-something as the 20 something he was when he moved here.

Which leads me to my rhetorical question: If we constantly see ourselves as who we WERE, when do we have time to acknowledge who we ARE? What does it take for us to realize that we have indeed changed and to update that soon-to-be-outdated image of ourselves? Is this why you see those unlikely pairings of balding middle-aged men and hot super-models - because they still see themselves as , and therefore act like, a spry cunning 20 year old?

When do we realize that we've changed? For me, the revelation started when I was shopping for that dress - I started by automatically getting a size 10 off the rack. That was too big...so I would get an 8, but it still wasn't right. Finally a saleswoman walked in and said, "Honey, why do you have an 8 in here - you need a 6 in that designer." The thought had never crossed my mind that I would be a 6. Me? Who still has size 16's in the back of her closet? Wow! Then, a few weeks later, I tried on a pair of jeans I bought at Christmas of last year, and they are too big...to the point that without a belt and with much effort, I could actually pull them off without unbuttoning or zipping them (I don't know what inspired me to try that, but I did. Not something I'd recommend - it almost broke the zipper - but you see my point.) On one hand, it means my plan to be health conscious without dieting is really working. On the other hand, I still look at pictures of me taken recently, and can find things that aren't good.

Maybe the subject line is wrong...maybe a photograph can STILL be a fun house mirror - it all depends on whose eyes are viewing it.