...In with the New

The bed finally arrived, and WOW, talk about comfortable! I just spent that last half hour stretched out on it while on the phone and it was so comfy I didn't want to get up.

Of course, part of that can be attributed to the person on the other end of the phone as well.

The great thing about a blog like this is that no one knows I write it...and that includes you. So here I can tell you the things I don't know how to say to your face. You're teaching me a new kind of dance - one in which I don't know the steps, so I'm letting you lead, and relinquishing control is not a simple thing for me. It's your superpower though...leading someone through the steps of a quick and complex pattern they didn't know how to do before.

When I lead, I lead with the head. Logic decides where I'm going, what I'm doing next. This time, I'm trying something new: following my instincts. It's hard for someone like me who is accustomed to getting all the facts and looking for more. Who was it that said, "If your mother tells you she loves you, check it out!"? That's me, checking it out, and that's what has cost me in time and in friends. And in self-respect. I'm taking so long to execute a decision already made, I can't seem to do it.

When you lead, you're leading with the entire body. Your hands tell me where to go, your feet move out of the way of mine when I mis-step. Your words are always the right thing to say at just the right moment. And your mind is open. It's an all encompassing feeling of even if we're going there wrong, you're still with me. Perhaps all that is why I'm willing to listen with more than my ears, more than my logic, but with my instincts, my heart, my being.

I had coffee with a friend tonight who said it's obvious you and I have a chemistry that hasn't been seen in a very long time. I wonder if that's right. If that's what it's supposed to be. If we are "meant" to be. Or are we just inexorably and inexplicably drawn to each other. I've heard it said that people get into relationships because they meet someone just as emotionally dysfunctional as they are in the same aspects they are. From that point, it's a question of do they grow together, or do they stunt each other's growth?

I don't have the answers....but I want to find out.