Timing. It's all about the timing.

Timing is something I can't quite seem to get right. All day, I've been in the mood to write something. Anything, just to get my feelings out and onto paper. But I've been at work, cooped up behind a keyboard and monitor, and doing my damndest to stifle any creative urge I may have until I got home.

But on the way home, I broke down. Started crying right there in the car. Something tells me that ranks right there below trying to change a CD and talking on a cell phone without a hands-free on the scale of what NOT to do in order to drive safely. I did it anyway. And now, I can't seem to muster that same sense of melancholy that I had all day. Normally, I wouldn't complain, but that seems to be dogging me everywhere I go of late, and I want to shake it, so perhaps by writing about it I can do so. But it looks like no luck in that department tonight.

Instead I suppose I'll set up some of the rantings and ravings you'll find here. I'm in the midst of making a rather large life decision. May not be so big to some, and it definately pales in comparison to many, so I don't impose myself on too many people. But the small handful of people to whom I do speak think the decision is a no brainer and therefore don't want to hear anything else about it.

Problem is, I think so too. I just can't muster the courage to make that final slice. To cut free of what I know is holding me back and move forward, into the uncharted unknown. I'm just too safe sometimes, and this time it's hurting me. Hurting me even more that I'm not only losing my touchstone, but my best friends as well until I make this happen.

Yeah, yeah, I know - if they're pushing me, they're not my friends. But they are. Consider this an intervention, except the addiction isn't chemical. Or spiritual. It's purely mental, and they can see that I need the break. When I step back, even I can see that I need the break, but when I step back into my own shoes, I haven't the courage to do it. That's what I'm working on right now. Courage to slice my life in two and feel the pain that's bound to come from it. Now if only I had an assurance that I could pick up the pieces.