A (Not so) Lost Day

I slept in this morning, finally. Decided to do a little around the house before I ran my errands. Had I known what was coming, I would have reversed the process. Somewhere along the way, snow fell. And fell. And fell. To the point that I lost phone service intermittently, cell service was unreliable at best, and all I could do was stay home.

So I did. I watched TV, watched tapes I have that were backing up, read my book, shoveled my walk and driveway, went to the neighbor's house, walked out to the road for a better glimpse, and came back home. Spent a lot of the day lounged out on the couch, recovering from a long week and storing up rest for the weekend. But the most productive thing I did today was catch up with a friend from college.

We've been trying to connect for weeks - you could even argue "months" since he moved back here this summer and one thing or another has kept us from getting together. But thanks to the wonderful technology that is instant messaging, we were able to chat for about an hour and a half or so. Catching up, figuring out what's going on in each other's lives, carrying on at points like two, well, college kids.

Everyone talks about how great it is to get a fresh start, a clean slate if you will, but I find comfort in the familiar as well. I don't allow many people to know me very well. Call it a defense mechanism or self-preservation...that's just how it happens. The fewer people who know me, the fewer people who can hurt me. So when I find one I let in, I make every effort to keep them. Even though we haven't talked in a while, it didn't take long before we're back in step, knowing where each other is going and offering that insight that only someone who has seen your behavior patterns develop can truly offer.

In this time of upheaval, I find myself gravitating toward comfort. I've been aware that I owe it to myself to give myself a chance at happiness. But my friend, in his perennial role as "devil's advocate" also made me sit back and take stock of what that would be - someone with whom I could be myself and not put on acts or airs. Someone who allows me to explore the emotional side I've kept pent up for so long as "one of the guys." Someone willing to smile when I laugh, and willing to hang around and make me smile when I cry. Someone who allows me to be myself, whether that invovles slouching in jeans and a sweatshirt, or jazzing it all up and notices when I do.