Moments of Clarity

Clarity trumps lucidity, I've decided. They're actually
quite closely related, but today, they've been separated by a
vast chasm in my head.

We all have our moments, but it's quite rare that I feel this
disconnected from the world around me. Unable to keep my
head in a conversation, unable to maintain focus. I don't do
any form of drugs, haven't had a drop to drink, and it's not
that fuzzy about-to-come-down-with-something feeling, so I
can't really explain it.

All day I've had moments of clarity, and moments of
lucidity. Problem is, I need them constantly,
simultaneously, and they've been hitting randomly and far
from synchronized. What it adds up to is instances of
realization of what needs to be done, but not enough presence
of mind to express it...followed by a grasp of language and
concepts that makes me return to the issues at hand, but the
inability to process more details to advance myself. All in
all a disorienting and dispiriting day.

I don't know what it is - am I tired? Was my blood sugar low
(I haven't been hungry)? Was my mind completely on
vacation? Either way, I've decided I'd rather be able to
process information than express it. After all, if you can't
process, it doesn't MATTER what you're expressing, and unless
you're in real trouble, you have time to rephrase your
words. If not, chances are the adrenaline has kicked in and
everything is working in sync, at least for the moment.

Maybe that's my problem...too much adrenaline, too
much sugar, too much anger and simmering unhappiness. Too
many questions unanswered and too many answers ungiven. At
any rate, I'm slipping again. Time to go read more and
remind myself what I aspire to be.