Filled to the Rim

I’m driving home tonight and I have a realization. I’m full. My chest physically feels as though you couldn’t stuff another breath of air in there. And this is a good thing.

What the heck is she talking about? See, when anything takes sensory form, I try to notice and remember. I’m that person who will say things like “It smells like rain” or “it tastes like perfume.” And that includes emotions…so here goes my explanation: you know that hollow feeling, that empty pit of near despair that any goth or acoustic musician has milked for all its worth? The void that it feels as though it’s so powerful it will pull your ribs in on themselves? The occasional chill that can sometimes plunge to the depths of your being, strike your spine and send shivers up your back? Yeah – that one. We’ve all been there.

The flip side of that coin never gets any positive pub. Think for a second – when was the last time you remember having that amazing feeling of being filled to the point of overflowing. I can tell you that for me, animals can always do it to me. Give me an adorable dog who trusts me enough curl up with me, and the best I can describe it is as though my heart is not a muscle, but an actual vessel with so many good feelings in it that they just want to spill out.

Tonight, it wasn’t an animal. It was human beings. Two-legged, not furry, very conditional in their affections….people. It was enjoying myself, not allowing the drama of others to intrude on the night, letting go and feeling the moment and enjoying where I was and not wanting to be anywhere else. It was feeling secure enough in me to go out and enjoy myself, even though I’m not the most popular kid, or the best dancer. It was trusting you and just living, not thinking, not questioning, and simply basking in that hour or so.

I can’t remember he last time a person made me feel this way – maybe when the Trio landed for the first time? When I feel this way, I tend to be a little too giving, too honest, too reluctant to lose that moment. But at the same time, shouldn’t one share happiness with the people around them? Whatever your answer, I know that tomorrow it’s back to reality, but tonight, I’ll stay up a while longer, relishing this feeling. It doesn’t come around often enough to squander it.